Perfectionism & Moving Forward Imperfcetly!
Nope, my ducks are NOT in a row. Pretty sure they never have been and never will be. Those little buggers keep moving every time I take a breath.
Waiting until everything is "PERFECT" or for all your ducks to be in row may never happen.
NOW! TODAY! is a great time to DO!
DO! NOT wait for "perfect" or for those ducks to be lined up in order to do the things that you have always wanted to enjoy.
- What did you miss out of, because your were waiting for your children to get older, or your bank account to get larger, or your body to be 10 or 60 pounds lighter, or the market to change or the partner of your dreams?
- Who crossed your path that had powerful and positive influences for your life or career, because your were too overwhelmed or busy with all the "things" that you needed to do?
- What dreams did you have that floated by without being experienced, because you didn't count yourself in the equation of importance?
- Where did the time go while you were stuck in the "waiting" period of your life?
Are you realizing anything about yourself or your life as you ponder these questions? Could you have been looking for perfection?
Let's define it in it's simplest form.
per.fec.shun.ism as a noun.
1.) a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection, which is a condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.
2.) the thing that STOPS you from ever moving forward in your life/job/project/relationship.
It is one thing to strive for a perfect score, however a different form of attaining "perfect" is when one continually labours through without reprieve in search for flawlessness of self and/or the desired goal.
Perfectionism, in the later context, can be experienced as gruelling work, punishment, abuse and disappointment to oneself and others. Ouch!
How are you to feel happy, successful, proud, progressive, fulfilled, loving and loved if you are in a constant state of working towards or looking for flawless, impeccable, infallible, ideal, beyond or above reproach? You can't, because you are in a state of perfectionism which is not supportive and will only cause delay, unfulfillment and/or loneliness.
My professional and personal experiences have shown me many times throughout the years that every one of us, at some point in our lives, have put off something important because of the need for a PERFECT scenario; which is often an imposed idea, from self or others, of what, who, when and how something or someone SHOULD be.
Read that again - Perfect is an imposed idea, from self or others, of what, who, when and how something or someone SHOULD be.
WHY? WHY? WHY? do external influences have so much power over your happiness & choices?
Where does your self-care, ability to love, opportunity for joy and growth in self, relationship and business fit in when you are in a state of "perfectionism"? It doesn't, because you are grinding and pushing and fighting every perceived barrier to finally find what YOU or OTHERS THINK is ideal.
To remove the destructive behaviour of perfectionism simply:
STOP THE MADNESS!
Launch forward with that goal/plan/idea/feeling and watch as the ducks move around (things unfold), some may fall down (it is possible that it won't be pretty), get lost (it might not work right away) and even get left out (you may miss some details) . So what? Mostly, and if it is meant to be, those little ducks will get to their desired location (it will all work out) some way or another.
HOW you ask, do you move forward imperfectly?
1) Correct and Continue: Big whoopin deal if you have to make a few or 100 adjustments as you go. So fix it and move on. This is a sign that you are responding, evolving and that you are fully engaged in the impact of your ultimate purpose, what ever that may be.
2) Live and learn: To fully benefit from the gifts of happiness and life, I believe that one must attempt new and different approaches to their experiences. You won't find "perfect" the first time around. Pssst, nobody ever does.
Just do, make a mistake, fall down, get back up, try again, ask for help or forgiveness & understanding, readjust and LEARN so that next time it becomes easier and faster with better results. Plus, you will eventually be called upon for your expertise of living and learning. Cool.
3) Create Boundaries: In the form of timelines and shared expectations.
Put an end to hours and hours of changing colours, researching, realigning margins, pinching pennies, endless dating etc. by setting a "to be completed by" date or time. Shorten the duration as you go. Trust your self.
Be clear and honest with yourself and others of what you can and will do and by when. Come to consensus and follow-through. Stay on task.
Accept that people are equal, not better or superior. You do not need to be flawless to "catch-up" or have impact. Trying to be perfect to impress or to prepare, results in missed opportunities for love, joy, success, travel, relationship and ????.
As you practice living a life of happiness without perfection, be kind to yourself and get ready to receive what you have been waiting for.
Oh and by the way, practice does not make perfect, it makes PROGRESS!
FYI. My first blog entry was planned to be last year, but instead this is my first blog entry (this year) because perfectionism interrupted my progress. I am so getting over that behaviour! This is me correcting and continuing as I go. Love it or don't. I shall accept that.
P.S. A must read, "The Gift of Imperfection" by Brene Brown
P.P.S. I am fully aware that "Imperfectly" in the title is miss-spelled. Does it bother you?